6.05.2005

Panty Perfect

Terry emerged from her bathroom, dressed to impress, ready for a night on the town with her new beau.

"How do I look" she asked sincerely and expecting the most honest answer.

I began the inspection, noticing every detail. Her silver chandelier earrings nicely matched the silver shoes. Her nails were squared off and polished in a delicate pink. Her dress, purchased just that day at Nordstrom's, was a knock out.

"Turn around," I ordered like a general taking one last look before giving final approval.

Terry slowly turned and there I noticed what to me is the biggest, most unnecessary fashion faux pas of the 21st century--panty lines. Terry rotated back around.

"Honey, I have one word for you… Thongs!" I said in a disapproving tone.

Terry protested, but I insisted. "What have I always told you? Comfort for the sake of fashion."

I'm constantly amazed at how little attention my female friends pay to everyday, intimate apparel. Oh sure, they pay plenty of attention and money on their private wears when they know it will get some public exposure--a hot date or romantic getaway, for instance. But when undergarments are for their eyes and their eyes only, my girlfriends let the quality of the clothing take a major nose dive. What's up with that? Whether we want to admit it or not, lingerie even if not completely visible, is still seen.

Are you still wearing the 18-Hour Bra? Please! Are you cutting your budget by shopping for lingerie at TJ Maxx? Stop now I tell you!

If you are a fashion disaster, it shouldn't be because of your underwear. We have more to choose from than every before. It's just a matter of education and experimentation. For instance, certain bras work better for different shirts, depending on style, cut, padding, or fabric.
And if you insist on wearing pantyhose, your choices for hosiery such as sandal foot (a misnomer if I ever I saw one) or reinforced toe can now be replaced by legless, toeless, or better yet, spray-on hose.

Panties may have advanced the most in recent years. Our options are no longer limited to bikinis or briefs (Thank God!). We have low rise, extreme low rise, high cut, g-strings… the possibilities are endless. I especially like the added details and designs that are carefully placed in back, just in case there is a little peekage under those low- rise jeans. Very sexy!

But, my newest best friends these days have to be thongs and breast petals. Thanks to the thong, panty lines are a thing of the past. Once a personal fashion taboo, these days I wear white pants with confidence--another thong advantage. And because of all the backless, tanks, and handkerchief styled-tops--I buy my breast petals in bulk, never mind that I'm a 34D. Let's be honest, those clear bra straps are not invisible. They still show through.

Call me crazy or at least a little obsessive compulsive, if you must. But when I shop for the perfect outfit (complete with shoes and earrings), I also shop for the perfect undergarments to go with it. There I am in my local Victoria Secrets, driving the sales clerk crazy. It's a necessary evil.

This obsession with intimate apparel isn't only for vanity's sake, however. Even on those days when I walk in to the office looking rather demure, there's a certain feeling of power to know that underneath it all, I am a little vixen. And when I need an extra spring in my step, I throw on the rhinestone g-string that I own. It helps me sit through otherwise boring meetings with a smile that says, "I have a secret."

Ladies, I tell you this for your own good, Don't show up on the pages of Glamour as a fashion don't. Burn those 18-hour bras! Run, don't walk, to your nearest lingerie store and invest in some over-priced underwear. It will be worth every penny, I promise.

2 comments:

queenofsass said...

When Victoria's Secrets stocks 42G I will be the first in line!

aka senior advisor said...

So that's how you get through our meetings! I knew you had to have some secret coping mechanism. :-)