1.09.2006

A Startup in my future?

How does someone pass a 13-hour flight from Newark, New Jersey to Beijing, China? If you're me, you start by testing out your new iPAQ and portable keyboard. All I can say is, "Wow!" These technological wonders could quite possibly be the two greatest inventions for frequent travelers and blogging fanatics ever created.

Prior to whipping out my modern marvels, I did what most airline travelers do to pass the time. I struggled through the airplane's limited selection of magazines and recycled newspapers in the hopes of finding something that might catch my interest. After a couple of hours of reading, I thought the endeavor pointless, but then I ran across a couple gems that occupied my mind.

The first to capture my fancy, nestled between an article about tango in Argentina and the 50 best Christmas gifts, was the most interesting advertisement. This full-page ad in the airline's magazine featured an overly made-up, middle-aged woman in an ordinary business suit and bleach blonde hair promoting her dating service for professional singles. Actually, the spokeswoman and presumed owner of the service reminded me of a corporate Human Relations Specialist on ecstasy. Who would hire such a woman to find anything other than what might be lodged between couch cushions, let alone the perfect match?

Nevertheless, there she was, the professional matchmaker, in a full-page, full-color spread, which was viewed by millions of business travelers everywhere. And, to top it off, this woman guaranteed results with her matchmaking service!

Then, another random magazine featured an article about woman who had started a successful wingman (or in this case, wingwoman) service. Men would hire the woman to hang out with them at bars and clubs as a wingwoman. The theory behind the scheme was twofold. First, that a man who is with an attractive female stands a better chance of luring other attractive women. And second, that women's trust in the man would be bolstered by the recommendation of the wingwoman.

While I feel men using either service would have as much luck attracting dates by wearing one of those pointless magnetic bracelets (the kind that supposedly helps golf swings), I couldn't help but admire both the professional matchmaker and the wingwoman for their creativity in exploiting desperate singles as well as their entrepreneurial spirit.

Both magazine features also left me wondering whether I might be able to get into the act of making money off of loneliness. I'm creative. I've been desperately single plenty of times in my life, so I understand the market. Surely all my years in soured relationships and on numerous dates should afford me an edge in some way. After all, the time I've spent single hasn't permanently landed me a warm-bodied man. Perhaps, it could help me earn some cold hard cash instead.

But, what could I offer an already inundated market to help lonely people meet other lonely people? As singles, we've already gone to the Internet in the hopes of meeting a match. We've tried video dating and speed dating. Really, what isn't already out there to get people out there? What unique service could I possibly offer that isn't prohibited by law in every county in every state except Nevada?

Then, I had a revelation. I, too, have a certain something that could, if done correctly, not only benefit singles everywhere, but also provide modest profits for me. There is uniqueness to my dating history, a pattern that could easily be marketed and touted as the next best thing in match-making services.

Call it the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride syndrome, for lack of a better description. To put it in laymen's terms, I have a pattern of being the woman that the guy dates before he meets "the one." I am the woman that dates the man who fears commitment, the man too scarred at heart to love again, the Playa with a capital P who beds but doesn't wed. Then, after being dumped by the confirmed bachelor, I am the woman who learns two months later that he not only met, but also married the next woman that crossed his path. Inevitably, my ex has also happily traded in his Miata for a wagon, which he plans to fill with offspring just after he finishes building that white picket fence. Yes, I'm that girl -- the one before "the one."

If this phenomenon had been a one time occurrence, we could rightly call it freak luck. But, this pattern has tended to repeat itself throughout my dating history. I'm the runner-up, the dreaded Miss Congeniality, in the dating pageant. And, the story only gets better if the man secretly harbors confusion about his sexual orientation. I am also the woman that a man dates just before coming out of the closet. This has happened to me on two occasions.

So how would I pitch my unique match-making service? Perhaps I could run a commercial on local radio stations.

"Tired of being a serial dater? Ready to settle down? Date Diane Mandy. She won't be your girl for long, but she'll be the girl before you meet the girl of your dreams. Confused as to your sexual preference? No worries! Date Diane Mandy to discover the real and wonderful you! Money back guarantee! Call now 1-888-LUV-4YOU (ext. NOTME)"

I really think this could be the next big thing in dating and match-making services. Now all I need are a business plan, a couple investors, a really large daytimer, and a bottle of tequila to get me started.

7 comments:

charming, but single said...

You totally remind me of my best friend. She calls herself the "transitional" woman. She gets guys from one relationship to the next. It's funny to hear the stories, but really annoying and stressful for her.

Diane Mandy said...

Tell your best friend to call me if she wants to be business partners. She might as well make money of her misery as well, right? ;-)

utenzi said...

But what do you charge for a service like that and are refunds available if the marriage doesn't last long? So many questions!

Diane Mandy said...

No refunds. They might jump into marriage after they date me, but whether or not they can stayed married... no data on that yet. But as far as a charge? I dunno. What do you think I should charge a man to date me?

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

LMAO! Brilliant Diane! (and I'm sure a tad frustrating)

Clever though. I say market yourself! Give it a shot, and then of course write your book about the experience. (That, judging by your written post, would be a bestseller!)

3T

The Door Steward said...

"Date Diane Mandy"....will you pay for my flight? I need extra leg room also, I'm 6ft 4"? Thanks x

JustJunebug said...

great post! and some of it i completely can relate to. however i was SO happy to see my ex and his girlfriend last night at the airport as i returned from my ski trip. she didnt have a ring on. if she had i am sure i would have strangled them both....

anyway, i would be proud to be your business partner as well!!