2.02.2006

My future??

I wasn't planning on posting tonight, but I've a few thoughts running though my brain and I just can't sleep. It's either my mind is restless or the fact that I slipped and fell tonight and bruised my right knee and left foot pretty badly that is keeping my up at the moment. I am so clumsy!! In fact, I was so awkward as a child that my parents signed me up for ballet class before I was five. I danced until I was a senior in high school. Obviously, as proven by tonight's fall, ballet didn't help this girl very much. I dread tomorrow. I know I'm going to be hurting for sure!

...but this is not the point of tonight's post. Actually, I have no point, no story to share. I just want to get a few things off my chest.

I'm thinking about my future. Something inside me says that I am at a critical point in my life and that I need to be preparing financially and mentally for my next big steps. What are those steps? I have a couple thoughts and ideas of what I might like my life might look like 5 years down the road.

One idea is adoption. I don't speak of it very often, but the thought has been growing in my mind and heart as of late. I know that meeting newly adoptive couples fresh from China is stirring feelings inside of me that I've had before. But I think these feelings might be real and not just a passing fancy. I need more time to understand my heart a little better. Financially, I could make this happen. My company makes such dreams a reality by offering generous assistant programs to adoptive parents and the government helps by offering certain tax incentives. And while I know I am not ready (for a host of reasons) to pursue this goal yet, I do think that the time is **now** to be preparing myself if I ever were going to take that bold step of adoption.

But then, I have a totally different and somewhat competing thought as to my future. I've come to believe that I want to go into business for myself some day. I'd like to open a coffee shop/wine bar near where I live (though the exact nature of the restaurant is not yet clear to me). What I do know is that I have the personality. I have the energy. I have the experience and family history in restaurant business. I mean, seriously, I am part Greek after all! What Greek do you know that isn't in the business?

I enjoyed restaurant life even as a child working for my father. I only left to pursue my dream to work in broadcasting and production. But, I've lived those dreams. And, I am becoming disillusioned with corporate life even in as fine a company as my curent one and even with as good a group of people. I can't see myself working for someone else forever.

I am starting to feel that I am not living up to my greater potential personally and profesionally. Maybe this is why I feel as though I am at a crossroads now more than ever. Does this make sense?

In addition to a certain amount of courage and a leap of faith, both of my futures would require enormous changes in my lifestyle today as well as in the future. And as a single woman, I know that I couldn't do both. How do I choose? How will I know?

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and very confused at the moment. But actually putting these feelings out there and in writing is helping me this one night. I'm starting to feel tired and may actually get some sleep.

So thanks for letting me ramble As always, any thoughts are welcomed and appreciated.

9 comments:

aka senior advisor said...

Sorry to hear you hurt yourself! Hope you're feeling better today.

As I've said to you before, you would be a fabulous mother, if not now, then a bit down the road.

And as for being a restauranteur, you're a natural. "Diane Mandy's" would be the in place to be, I have no doubt. Plus, you know you have one or more friends that would love to help you run it! :-)

Mom of 3 said...

I am a Mom to three children. I can tell you that if you adopt a child, you won't regret that you couldn't start up a business. If you start up a business, you almost certainly will regret that you didn't adopt a child. That's an either/or choice, and shouldn't have to be. There is a way to have both, you just have to find it.

I only work part-time and have managed to keep my home even though I'm separated from my ex. I wouldn't work long hours and have children, because then they're in daycare all day and you're too exhausted to spend time with them. I never fell for the "quality time" thing. Kids want you around, at home when they get out of school, making dinner, they like knowing their Mom is there for them.

Mom of 3 said...

I am a Mom to three children. I can tell you that if you adopt a child, you won't regret that you couldn't start up a business. If you start up a business, you almost certainly will regret that you didn't adopt a child. That's an either/or choice, and shouldn't have to be. There is a way to have both, you just have to find it.

I only work part-time and have managed to keep my home even though I'm separated from my ex. I wouldn't work long hours and have children, because then they're in daycare all day and you're too exhausted to spend time with them. I never fell for the "quality time" thing. Kids want you around, at home when they get out of school, making dinner, they like knowing their Mom is there for them.

queenofsass said...

I have no doubt that whatever path you choose, it will be successful. I see the coffee shop/wine bar more clearly than adoption, but both are possible with good help. You know I am there for you!

JustJunebug said...

I am with queenofsass. Whatever you decide. But I do know that attempting to do both at the same time would be very stressful.

Maybe do the business first? Then the adoption? I know what my choice would be.

But regardless of the decision you are right to be thinking about financial security.

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

I have complete confidence that whatever direction you take your life, you will give it your everything. (Or both if you chose to) My only regret is that I don't live close enough to be a patron of Diane Mandy's coffee/wine bar!

:-)3T

utenzi said...

All I know of you, Diane, is what you've written in your two blogs but it strikes me that you'd resent the time commitment that those choices would require. Your close friends like Chris would know that sort of thing far better than I would.

I hope that you feel better today and that your foot and leg mend quickly. You can't dance if you can't walk. I'm not sure if that's fraught with meaning or not, Diane. LOL

TamWill said...

Being a single parent is very difficult, though not impossible.

I like your dreams and goals, and I think you would make a fine business owner and/or Mom.

I think this is a decision only you can make, and when you do it will be the right one.

Jamy said...

I don't see why it has to be an either/or. I can't speak to timing issues, but I have confidence you can do both of these things.

I'm glad I'm not the only one in our age group that would like to start on a new path. I just need that little push to figure out what it will be....