3.29.2006

Cat Tales

$57 ...as in U.S. DOLLARS?

Ordinarily, 57 dollars would be a paltry sum--about how much I'd spend sampling martinis at my favorite lounge. But instead of fanciful martinis, I just spent this sum and some change at PETSMART on advanced-formula, hairball-reducing cat food, odor-control kitty litter, cat-specific stain remover, and some sort of gel to run on Katie's nose to reduce the hairballs.

AM I A SUCKER, OR WHAT??

Katie and I haven't called it quits... just yet. Although I often wonder how a break-up conversation with Katie might go.

I imagine that if Katie could speak she'd probably sound like Eartha Kitt. Sultry, deliberate, and oh-so manipulative, Katie's very tone would let me know who was really top cat in our household.

"Darrrrling," Katie would purr, "this new brand of cat food is purr-fectly dreadful."
"At $13 a bag, it better not be dreadful. At this point, I'm spending more on your food than I am my own." I'd respond.
"But, I'd purr-fer something a little fresher," Katie would counter. "Sushi-grade tuna or salmon might be nice. I know that you frequent that little sushi place around the corner. I can smell it on your breath."
"Katie," I'd sigh. "The only tuna you'll be seeing is in a Fancy Feast can, and only then as a once in a while treat. Besides, it's your own fault that we've started this new diet. I found another hairball this week."
"I have no idea what your re-purr-ing to."

Katie would deny that she has any odious bodily functions if she could. I mean, really, the way she buries her little box treasures, you'd think it was hidden gold coins. But having opened this can of worms, I decide to break the news to Katie about our shaky future together.

"Katie, I don't know how to say this... but if this new diet doesn't work, I might have to give you back to Christina."
"Oh, now you're just being catty," Katie responds without as much as a blink.
"No, I am not. I am being honest with you."

Suddenly, Katie stops purring. She looks me dead in the eyes. "I'd like to see you try," she says. "After all, I'm the one with 9 lives."
"What did you just say?" I ask incredulously.
"Look, I'm not just pussyfooting around this time, Batgirl. But I am not the one going back to Christina's house. She's your sister. They are your nieces. You'll go."

I hardly believe my own ears. Who does Katie she think she is anyway? Then, in a split second, Katie's demeanor changes. She begins purring and rubbing up to me.

"Darrrling", she says as sweetly as she can, "Will you brush me? Will you rub my paws."
"Oh, alright."

I really am a sucker.

9 comments:

utenzi said...

You'll go That sure does sound like something a cat would think, Diane. I suspect you have a special affinity for the way a cat thinks.

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

:-) They sure can wrap you around their little paws can't they?! It is part of their charm.

3T

Jaws said...

LOL This post reminds me of my old man. He pampers our cat more then me. On our anniversay the cat got a new bed.. I got to do the dishes.

Senior Advisor said...

Now you've truly discovered the allure of a cat. Unlike dogs, who are not discriminating in the least, you really have to work to prove your worthiness to a cat.

Take it as a challenge -- I have no doubt you'll win Katie over just like everyone whom you meet!

David said...

It is easy to spend money on pets. People walk in and see my dog's kennel and go HOLY SHIT! It is big enough my daughters can lay in it LOL. But hey, they are worth it too.

evercurious said...

HAHAHAHA! You're so funny. I loved this post. Very creative and fun. I hope things get better with this new endeavor. Sounds like fun.

KOM said...

Don't let them fool you - cat's can talk. Most are smart enough not to let you know.

BTW, I just noticed, per your sitemeter listing, that I am visitor 11000. Do I get a balloon or what?

Diane Mandy said...

11,000!!! Yey, KOM! I'll send the balloon your way today. Keep an eye on the sky...

TamWill said...

Purr-fect post...I laughed so much :O) thanks for the cat-nip!