In Sickness and in Health

It's Monday morning and I couldn't be happier to be at work. My weekend turned out to be a more hectic than I expected. Max had a corrective eye surgery, known as PRK, and the amount of care and support he required was more than either of us anticipated. I certainly didn't mind being caretaker to Max as he was in a great deal of pain and barely able to open his eyes.

I feel more than prepared in these sorts of situations because I've faced far worse. I spent weeks as a caretaker to my first husband, who nearly died of a ruptured appendix and needed constant open-wound care for weeks. I also spent many times at the side of my second husband during depressive and manic episodes, which were often heartbreaking and sometimes scary. I've learned that it's amazing what people can do when faced with difficult situations. We hate to see our loved ones suffer, but somehow even in the worst of times, we shove our emotions aside and take care of whatever needs to be done.

Fortunately Max's aches and pains weren't anything life threatening. And, I was more than relieved to discover that Max is one man who doesn't turn into a total infant when he is sick. Max actually suffers from the opposite problem. He doesn't want to let anything get him down and will try to do more than he should despite his ailments. However, I nipped that little problem in the bud. Nurse Diane may be sweet and helpful where appropriate, but she becomes Sergeant Slaughter if her patient doesn't doctor's follow orders. Poor Max!

It's funny how my feelings change when I am put in these sorts of situations. Looking at Max sleep with goofy goggles to protect his eyes, I see a patient and responsibility first, and my boyfriend second. The normal feelings of want and attraction that I have for Max are replaced by a more maternal, nurturing instinct when he is sick. I suppose this is a normal reaction, but over the course of the entire weekend, I never felt felt attracted to him in the way I usually do. I wanted to be his attentive support and crutch, but nothing more.

Max will be back to his typical self in a few short days. I can't wait to having my big, strong boyfriend back in all the normal ways. But what would have happened if Max didn't have the promise of getting better? Would the feelings of adoration have come back to me eventually? Was the loss of physical attraction simply a result of being in a surprise crisis mode of operation all weekend?

I believe so, but it doesn't hurt to stop and reflect at various points of discovery in a relationship. Max and I learned a lot about each other over the last four days--the vast majority of it very, very promising. I think we both ended the weekend more confident of the viability of this new relationship.