Crossing the line?

My sister and I sound almost identical—so much so that when we call my father on the telephone, he cannot tell us apart. So dad teases by asking, “Is this the Mother (my sister) or the Barren One (me). For the last 13 years, I have been “the Barren One,” and much to my father’s chagrin, I haven’t minded my status as a woman without child

Then I met Max. My feelings on the matter have changed.

For several months now, Max and I decided to “not not try to have a baby” without result. Not that this is unusual. It takes some couples months to get pregnant, and we haven’t been working under ideal conditions. Max’s travel schedule worked against us, as well as the all of the stress I experienced during the move abroad.

But the last two months, we moved from “not not trying" to making a sincere effort to try to have a baby. I turn 40 in two weeks, so we don’t have time to waste. In an effort to be more productive reproducing, I purchased a few ovulation kits to help determine when conditions would be best to try and conceive. Ovulation kits monitor a woman’s Luteinizing hormone, which triggers ovulation when it reaches peak levels.

To predict the LH surge, a woman must test daily by comparing two lines-–a reference line and a test line. When the test line is equal to or darker than the reference line, a woman knows she will surge within 24 to 48 hours.

So far I haven’t gotten a result where the test line is greater or equal to the reference line. And last month, I didn’t have a period--period. All of this causes me wonder if I am capable of conceiving without help. Maybe my LH is only a VLH (very low hormone) or even worse—DH (dried-up hormone).

Just this past May, I visited a fertility clinic to determine if I could conceive and all the results looked favorable. However, the doctor advised us to start trying immediately because a woman’s chances to conceive drops considerably after she turns 40. I didn’t believe him at the time, but now I wonder. Could so much have changed in 6 short months?

Max and I are going to give it a little more time before seeking professional help. I am not going to stress about this. After all, I’ve been “the Barren One” all of my adult life. What’s a few month months…or years?


running42k said...

Just relax and let things happen. I think stressing about it can't help. Look at all the instances of couples that adopt after years of trying and then boom, they are pregnant.

Love the cooper.

Jamy said...

It can take up to a year to get pregnant. As a demographer, I studied this! Stress can make it harder. I know it's useless to go back to not trying and just not using birth control, but that's probably your best bet.

The missed period was probably just stress.

Also, the after 40 drop-off is IN GENERAL. It is not the magic number for each individual woman.

Since the baby-making process is supposed to be fun, I hope you enjoy it!

Sara said...

I agree with Jamy. Relax and enjoy it.. I know that's easier said than done, but really, it's the ONLY thing you have control over. :) Good luck!

Bluepaintred said...

the more you stress the harder it will be to get pregnant!

AmyD said...

You have been going through some very stressful times with the move, etc... I'm not at all surprised you weren't successful in conceiving in those conditions! The good thing is that right now, you have little else (other than moving to your new, amazing home in a couple weeks) to focus your energy and time on, so just take it easy and don't force it. It's when you stop worrying that things happen the way they should. Good luck! This is such an exciting time, and I couldn't be happier for you both!

LZ Blogger said...

Diane ~ I don't think I'd give up quite yet, but I hope that your dad's cutesy little names for you and your sister doesn't turn out to be a reality. That would seem like a self-fulfilling prophecy and not a very good one at that. It would be very sad for you and Max to not be able to have kids of your own, but you still could have kids.
Although blood is thicker than water... love is thicker and both. There are many babies out there who would love to be part of a loving and caring family. So just because you may someday decide that you are not capable of giving birth, you can still be a mother.
I wish you both, “good luck” in your efforts and my wish for you is that I hope that your Christmas will bring you the present you are both praying for! ~ jb///

ms chica said...

Good luck to you and Max. Practice makes perfect...or at the very least burns a few calories.

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything above. I have a few friends around your age who tried for years but decided not to go the invitro route or do anything else expensive. So they gave up. Looked into adoption or just decided it wasn't meant to be. And then, boom. Pregnant. Focus on sex as a newlywed delight, don't look at it as something with a goal. Try as much as you can to forget your goal. Obviously step it up when you're ovulating, but don't hold out for then or something, which will make you both more focused on the baby goal.

gemma said...

Love the just relax advice...now I have no children but I think that the best advice is to pretend that you are 18 again and OMG I CANT BE. It seems that kind of pressure works tons better than OMG the clock is ticking. That Barren thing -- well...sometimes it ain't so bad. Ok....maybe that relax advice is OK. You visited and asked about the white stuff....we are currently experiencing the "too cold to snow" weather. Thank goodness for Global Warming or the pipes would freeze even with the heat on.

zerodoll said...

ok, i'm going to disagree with everyone else. my doctor basically said if the ovulation kit is not showing ovulation for 2-3 months in a row, come in and they'll run the hormone checks. if the kit is showing ovulation, and it takes longer than 6 months, HE should come in. yes, stress can make you miss a period, but i don't think you want to worry about it. get your fsh tested.

egan said...

Yikes, my comment disappeared. I said something to the same extent as everyone else... don't fret since you have so much going on right now. Moving, new job, and marriage are huge changes. It took my wife and I about six months for it to work.

Anonymous said...

Oh man. I'm 29 and single and was dealing with the possibility of being completely infertile (heard this for the last 6 months from doc's) SO I somewhat understand how stressful it is when you've been told you're on a time clock.

Wishing you guys get preggers soon and easily too!!