3.17.2008

A special case

Sometimes, after a couple days and a few sympathetic ears, you realize things aren’t as bad as you make them out to be.

I left you hanging on Friday, not because I wanted to be coy, but because I need a few days to decompress. In 2004, I landed in the hospital because my bladder had suddenly stopped functioning. During my stay to determine the cause, doctors discovered two fibroid tumors, the sizes of a grapefruit and an orange, growing on my uterus. Because of my age and the size of the fibroids, doctors recommended I undergo hysterectomy.

As otherwise healthy 36-year old with a world of possibilities ahead of me, I balked at the suggestion. It didn’t matter that I was recently separated and I had never felt the urge to have a baby. I refused to have my choice taken away. Even though doctors informed me I was only buying time, that these non-cancerous tumors would most certainly come back, I opted to undergo a myomectomy, a procedure to only remove the fibroids and possibly preserve my fertility chances.

You can imagine how emotional I became upon learning that four short years later, only nine months into marriage, I am having trouble again. My recent ultrasound revealed a small fibroid tumor in my uterus and either endometriosis or a cyst on an ovary. Until I consult with a doctor in Germany, I am not sure what this means for my chances to conceive or long-term treatment options. But with this news, I felt devastated, anyway.

Even though Max understood he was marrying a 40-year old woman nearing the end of her reproductive shelf life, I felt grieved to have to break the news to him. My husband would love for us to have a baby; and we have tried to conceive since the wedding. Having these problems recur might complicate our plans. Who knows? Maybe he’d want this baby maker recalled.

“Sweetie,” Max began. “I didn’t marry you for a baby. I married you because I love you and want us to share our life together. Whether we have children, choose to adopt, or continue to live just the way we do today—I am happy and satisfied. You are my family.”

Even though this conversation took place by telephone and I didn’t have the chance to look Max in the eyes, I could tell he meant every word. Besides, it’s been his position all along. I just needed to hear it again.

For all practical purposes, my health is fine. Millions of women experience these issues and experience no pain or problems. Some of these even go on to have children. But I feel like I am in a very special class—not because of any sort of complications, but because I have the unending support and love from Max.

And for this, I am very lucky, indeed.

33 comments:

Bluepaintred said...

You need to come here so I can hug you.

And I need to thank you.

You've made me appreciate my children just a little bit more today...

bleeding espresso said...

You have a keeper, Diane, but I guess you already knew that.

I'm sorry to read of your troubles, and I hope that they cause nothing more than a bit (or a lot) of stress; like you said, it's just nice to have the choice.

Thinking of you :)

Charlotte said...

Diane, thanks for your honesty. It sounds like you and Max have a wonderful relationship. And I really, really hope that things work out for you.

Lynda said...

Gotta love a man that says all the right things at all the right times..

I have been down this path with my sister-in-law (my german one that I love to bits) - it was dreadful when she finally had to deal with the idea of never having any children of her own... on the up side, they are the best tante und onkle 2 girls could ever want - and they are exceptional godparents too. We are blessed to have them in our lives.

sassy said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and for your comment. I'm glad to meet you, and hanging in for you there as well...

AmyD said...

Oh no!! I'm such an asshole for assuming the ultrasound was for a better reason...I'm so sorry to hear this, Diane. :o( It certainly is comforting (to you, and all of your readers) to know you have such an amazing and supportive man in your life at this time, though. No matter what, it will work out. Hang in there, and take care of yourself! And GOOD LUCK with the upcoming treatments, etc! (((HUGS)))

Sara said...

Well that wasn't nearly as exciting as I'd imagined it. Bless your heart. You (and Max (and Charlie)) are in my thoughts and prayers.

Andrea said...

I'm sorry you are having problems and facing difficult choices. Max sounds like a great person and a seems to have a wonderful shoulder for you when you need it most.
We have one biological child and one adopted child because of circumstances beyond our control. No matter if you can have children, decide to adopt or just have a family of two, never forget anything is possible. It sounds like you have an excellent support system to get you through this.
If you have expat adoption questions down the road drop me a line :) We adopted while living here.
Take care of yourself!!

Andrea

Shelly said...

What a wonderful man...take care.
S~

Sarah said...

I'm glad to know it's not anything more severe, and I'm happy you aren't feeling as bad anymore. I'm thinking of you. x

Danie said...

I'm a true believer that God works in mysterious ways. I think you've been blessed to have Max in your life to deal with these troubles this time around. This time, you'll get through it together.

Lise said...

I doubly feel my sister Danie's sentiments - everything happens for a reason and you and Max are together and will get through this news together. Concentrate on staying healthy and squeeze all that you can out of every day.

June said...

And Diane, I am thinking of you too....

My heart is heavy, but I will send a prayer up...for whatever it is you need it for.

Sizzle said...

No wonder you needed time. I'm sorry you're going through this but am very glad you have someone like Max beside you every step of the way.

karey m. said...

thinking of you two...

why do all the most i-need-you-right-here moments always happen when you're in two different countries?! always the way, right?

really. sending good thoughts your way.

Tenacious B said...

You have a very loyal, loving, and supportive husband.

Thanks for raising the effin' bar!

(Seriously, though, you ARE lucky.)

running42k said...

glad your health is good. And Max is awesome, but I think you know that already.

egan said...

I'm loving this Max guy more all the time.

Charlotte said...

Hon, I hear ya. I get the same comment from my hubby all the time when another month happens and ... nothing happened. Gah. Yes, Max is a sweetheart, but that doesn't make things any easier when it's your body that doesn't want to cooperate.

Wishing you the best for those fibroids.

Dan-E said...

oh wow, i'm so sorry to hear this. but at the very least, it seems like you're going to be okay and max is behind you all the way.

hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Max knew about the potential for these fibroids reoccurring and potentially making things difficult, and he knew your age, and he chose you and chose to commit to the rest of his life with you! Don't let yourself forget that. It's not like he was deceived about anything. And it's not like this means anything conclusive. Even if having children the old-fashioned way doesn't work out, as noted above, there are many different options.

kenju said...

I misunderstood the meaning of your last post, but I am glad to know it isn't anything serious.

Cheryl said...

Big ol' hug from over here. You definitely got a winner for a hubby. Hope you are feeling better now.

ms chica said...

I'm glad you have someone as supportive as Max be your side to face this challenges. Thinking of you and wishing you both the best.

zerodoll said...

aww, honey, you do have a wonderful husband. i feel so much for you, having had a massive fibroid out (myo) early 2005 at age 30. you will be ok, regardless of baby status.

Rositta said...

Strange, that happened to me almost exactly but I went ahead and had the hysterectomy at 32 but I already had a child. Three years later I met my second husband but luckily he too didn't want any more children. He has two sons from his first marriage. Sounds like your Max is a good guy and whatever will be will be, just take care of your health...ciao

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

You are lucky to have Max. I have my fingers crossed for you to be able to get this resolved :)

Emma-Kate Castricum said...

Oh Gosh what a tricky one,

Don't rule out the whole baby thing just yet.
I have endo and have had most of one ovary removed due to a large cyst ( I've had heaps of other big cysts since then, even while preg with baby no 2) and was recently told I had polycystic ovaries as well.Totally different condition. I have no other poly symptoms, I'm under 50kgs don't have acne etc etc. My Mum had had fibroids removed between having her 3 kids too.

Don't we sound like a genetically great family to marry into??

Anyway the moral is, I've managed to have 2 kids with these problems. I've actually been told I can't have anymore kids but for reasons due to my pregnancies nothing to do with my 'lady bits'

Take heart, these days there are so many great treatment options whether you have ovarian cysts or endo. You've got a divine hubby and it can still all work out.

Em

swenglishexpat said...

Diane, I don't quite know what to say, but you have my sympathy, it can't be easy. However you are lucky to have such a loving husband, he could not have put it better.

Monica said...

Good to know that you have Max by your side ... and like so many said here... there is a reason for everything, you never know what is down the road for the both of you... and you are so blessed, I'm sure it will be great!

The Grunt said...

I hope I can find a mate as loving and caring as Max. Uh, female, of course.

evercurious said...

I know a certain someone that was told she should not ever have kids again due to some lazer removal of cancerous cells. She was fine with that. She already had two kids and didn't want anymore. She unexpectedly got pregnant and carries twins although the doctors had said that her cervix could not handle such a load. She also had RH negatives disease. Yet she had two healthy boys.

Diane, there are two things that I want to say. Dr's don't always have all the answers. God does though. I know that whether you have a biological child or adopt, you and Max will make exceptional parents. Everything will work itself out. In the meantime I wish you peace, harmony and health.

P.S. No pic of the new haircut?

utenzi said...

Even if you're not totally committed to having a child, not having the ability to conceive is sobering, Diane. I hope that this turns out to be a minor medical issue and that the two of you can still have a baby. God bless.