9.03.2008

Would be comical IF it weren't true

A not-so-distant relative sent me the following e-mail.

"Hey, I wanted to let you know that I am trying to become an egg donor. I figured I should tell you first, in case you guys go invitro before I get involved in the process for someone else. I figure I don't plan on using my eggs, so the altruistic thing is to offer them to someone and the compensation for egg donors is nice (generally about $4-6000). Anyway...just thought I'd out that out there!"

Nice, eh?

I'm not in the right frame of mind to answer at the moment, so I turn it over to you, dear wordsmiths. How would you a respond?

31 comments:

Claire said...

Oh my days. I literally have no words. Hugs, sweetie!

Cxx

Sitcomgirl said...

Whaaaaaaaaat? I can't decide if that is rude or just clueless. I think the proper response would be that something isn't altruistic if you are setting a compensation amount. That's called business.

kenju said...

I think I'd feign cluelessness. I'd write back, "How altruistic of you! I we decide to go that route, you'll be the first to know. So nice of you to offer."

patches said...

Wow. I can't....just wow!

Simple Answer said...

Ummm. ???? Perhaps you could ask about her gene pool. Number of family members who are Pulitzer prize winners, number of doctors, her ACT and SAT scores, whether she has webbed toes, number of relatives with more than five fingers on each hand, did she need orthodontic work....I mean if I'm looking to buy someone's eggs, I'd want to kick the tires a bit.

meno said...

you know, i've been trying to come up with something snappy, but i'm really pretty speechless. All i can think of is insults.

Pretty damned cheeky of her.

Dan-E said...

i don't know this person so couldn't tell you if this email was abject cluelessness or extraordinarily vindictive one but i think it's best to not respond at all.

i don't think i read it wrong, so to know what you're going through, yet be so niggardly as to "offer" you her eggs - oh by the way - for a fee... wow.

Jill said...

Wow. I think I would opt to keeping my mouth shut. I don't have anything nice to say here...

Altruistic? If she really was, then she'd donate her eggs for free.

Just sayin'

Lynda said...

Sometimes people just open and shut their mouths and utter crap comes out...
Personally, I love 'Simple Answer'.. kick the tires... too funny.

I guess it all depends on the relationship you have with this relative... does she have kids already?

Do you have to sit at the Xmas lunch table with her for the next 40 years.. if not... give her a blast! It will make you feel better. And from a purely altuistic point.. we will get a great blog post.

Global Librarian said...

Unbelievable.

When we were struggling with infertility, we were astounded when three women (close relatives|friends) offered to be a surrogate mother for us. It was completely altruistic, but we simply explained we weren't comfortable with it and had already decided to go the adoption route if our fertility efforts failed.

I have no idea what I would have said if someone had offered to sell me her eggs.

If that had happened harsh words, peppered with obscenities, would likely have left my lips.

Vindictive or clueless, it doesn't matter. What a bitch!

headbang8 said...

I would send her a two-word response. And one of those words would be "get".

C N Heidelberg said...

Actually. it wasn't clear to me that she was looking to charge you. It kind of seemed just like a general statement about how much compensation there is normally for egg donation to a stranger. However, maybe she is. That just wasn't clear/obvious to me.

Andrea said...

I..I have no idea. I don't know how I would respond to that.
In one way she is trying to tell you before you find out another way. That part: nice. The rest I just don't think was worded so great. I would hope she would do this to help people not to make money, know what I mean? Because money is NOT the reason to do something like this.

Anyway, hugs.

Connie said...

I'm confused too - Was this distant relation offering you a chance for free eggs, because she wants to give to family before she's involved with a stranger's business, or was she just using family to start her customer list???

Good - She's excited enough to write - helping people have babies is good.

Good - decent compensation - I've heard it's an uncomfortable procedure, not without risk.

Tacky - spamming distant relations with iffy propositions of an extremely personal nature.

Tempting - write her back, no thanks for the eggs, but how much for regular blood donations for your 'vampire cult'?

Connie said...

oops! Coffee isn't working yet - mixed up 'distant' and 'not-so-distant'.

running42k said...

I know my initial reaction is "Go %^&* yourself" but you might want to clean it up a bit before you send it.

karey m. said...

i would tell her to send some samples.

and then i would tell her she sent rotten eggs.

and then i would never ever smile at her again. unless i was wrinkling my forehead and shaking my head back and forth...and making a tsk-ing noise with my tongue.

and then i would feel appropriately passive aggressively pleased. xoxo. and i'm sorry for this one. you deserve better.

Sueellen said...

I am left speechless - what running42k said and more! HUGS

Charlotte said...

How old is this person? 14? Sheesh.

Initially, I really liked "simple answer"'s response, but I don't think you should dignify the offense with too many words. Instead, a simple "thanks for the offer, but we're not really looking to go that route." might be more appropriate.

Sounds like her real motivation is money ...

Sending you a big hug.

Anonymous said...

What I'd send if she has kids:

We've been considering trying to come up with about 6k for an egg donor but now that you're offering for free, that's a huge relief! Where do I sign up?

Hehe-- I definitely think she wants the compensation and you should make her say it.

If she doesn't have kids:

That's so altruistic of you, assuming your eggs are better than mine, we'll take free eggs of course. It's such a generous offer.

I think you almost have a duty to ask for her eggs so that she can't pass on these eggs to some unsuspecting person. You guys won't need them and maybe she'll get her head on straight if you string her along for a few years. I also really like the idea of making her ask for the money point blank.

Cheryl said...

This seems to be a situation where no response is the best response.

brandy said...

Just delete. Any time, energy or effort used to respond to this would be a waste. You are better than any reply she doesn't deserve.

Paige Jennifer said...

Dear Relative,

Thanks. And if you ever need a kidney, just let me know.

xoxo
p

AmyD said...

*cringe*

Um...is she implying you should USE her eggs? And she's a relative? I only ask because I'm shocked here, and would love to have my first instinct dispelled.

ANYWAY...

My guess is she is broke and already spent her pride. Either ignore the email (if you think you can get away with it without causing even MORE awkwardness), or give a simple, "Thanks! Good luck with that!" response.

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

Almost speechless over this one. Relatives certainly have a way with words, don't they? Words with no tact.

Hmm...perhaps I would act completely stupid and tell her that I was looking for free-range eggs :)

Charlotte said...

Ha, I thought of an even better response: "Thanks for the offer and good luck with your business. Now stay out of mine."

egan said...

I guess this all depends on well this relative knows your situation. I suppose I'd blow it off as not a big deal. Now if the offer is made again and again, then you might want to voice a concern.

Jen said...

Dude, unless you are extremely close, that is wierd. If you play it out from the actual offer to taking her up on it, it just gets too complicated. "just to throw that out there." is extremely short sighted.

And not only that but if you were going to use donor eggs, you might want them from someone who actually understands the definition of the word altruistic.

michelle of bleeding espresso said...

Wow. How about:

--------

Dear Slightly Off-Balance But Well-Meaning Relative,

Thank you so much for thinking of us when you think "egg donation," but we've decided we're going to go another way on this one--in particular, away from your end of the gene pool.

Say hi to [insert relative(s)] here!

In vitrolically yours,
Diane

------

OK maybe that's too mean. I *am* sure she meant well, but the phrasing is just so odd....

michelle of bleeding espresso said...

Oops, I meant "Off-Balanced."

Jul said...

Dear Relative,

Thank you for sending an email that will provide so much amusement for my blog readers. They are going to have so much fun with this one!

xoxo

Diane