12.10.2008

New direction?

Maybe it's because of the recent drama, but I'm beginning to crave change, perhaps a new direction in my life and lifestyle. The last 12 months in Germany have been a wonderful holiday. I've lived a slow-paced, leisurely existence, which was free from hustle, bustle, and any real commitments aside from feeding my pets and keeping a straight and humble abode.

It's been nice, but not necessarily good for me. I think I've become lazy, accustomed to doing what I want, whenever I want. I've let myself go a little because there hasn't been any real reason to...let' s say... get that regular manicure and pedicure. Most days, I don't see anyone except Charlie and Max, and they seem pretty ok with me sans the frills. And since I've been trying to get pregnant the last year, dieting hasn't been a viable option. Besides, someone told me at carrying a little extra weight was not bad, because estrogen is stored in fat cells.

Oh! Excuses, excuses...

Fortuntately, I need not look too far ahead to find the change I crave. Our move to Barcelona is only a couple months away. I could use this opportunity to shake things up in my life.

My first consideration is where Max and I might live. Do we look for housing outside or within the city limits? When I was pregnant, I felt impelled to look for a house with a garden in a neighboring town, not unlike where I live today. But I find when I live remotely, I don't make the effort to get out, explore, socialize, and do what I should to stimulate myself. And so, I am now contemplating life in the big, crowded, noisy city, where I must force myself to get dressed, get out, if only to walk Charlie to the elusive grass patch.

Is any of this making sense? I guess what I am wondering is whether I should listen to these urges and go for the life that I want today or do I continue to hold back a little and make decisions based on the life I hope to be living (complete with a baby and a white picket fence) someday?

24 comments:

Lise said...

Well, since I'm usually one to rock the boat, I say shake it up baby! I think it's just what you both need...and while you're at it, get out your dancing shoes!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I say go for the city life! A child isn't very mobile until he/she is about 1, so no garden is needed before then, and you might be moving to a new country before any future child turns 1, or at least you could move to a house outside Barc w/ a garden.

Charlotte said...

I agree with the others: go for the glitz and fun of city life. I'm sure you will love it.

Hilly said...

I totally get what you are saying, 100%. When we first moved to Southern California, the same thing happened to me. I know, you'd think that with all the neat-o places to go here, Id have kept up with myself better....but after a few months of excitement, my couch and books became my best friend.

Anyway, yes on city life! Shake it up, stir it up!

swenglishexpat said...

My humble advice is to be a bit selfish. Do what you feel is right for you two now. Should things change later it would be such a joyous task to change the situation. Stay positive!

Me said...

I would live inside of the city hands-down.
I was just thinking recently, what if I had stayed in a suburb of Boston, where my friends lived when I moved here (I was sleeping on their sofa) and I realized that I would have never gotten to know the city as well as I do know. I love living in the city. :)

Cheryl said...

City life. Only because I say live for today. If something comes up for tomorrow, you can make changes then.

michelle of bleeding espresso said...

Live for the now! It sounds like you know what your spirit needs right now...follow it :)

Jill said...

Life can't be led by the thoughts of "what if's"...

Live for today and enjoy it today. What a shame it would be for you to look back and wonder... What if?

AmyD said...

I think you should definitely live the life you want to live today. No need to add more pressure to your psyche, right? Besides, having a city-dwelling baby would be cool! They, unlike dogs, can go pretty much anywhere you can (with the exception of bars and smoky places), after all. It sounds like you need a change; and you'd be surprised what a mental change can do for the physical... Good luck finding your new home! Take care of yourself! (((HUGS)))

patches said...

I've been having the same conversation with myself recently. It becomes so easy not to explore the world when you don't have your partner with you.

egan said...

I like Cheryl's advice. Have fun in the present! Planning is great and all, but there's no time like the present.

G in Berlin said...

Let's make it unanimous. I've already said that if I weren't in the city I might live in a hole. Enjoy yourself!

Charlotte said...

Dude, city life, hands down!!! Imagine yourself as one of the luscious characters from Sex And The City and live it up! Throw fancy parties! Become a socialite! Ah, the possibilities!

kenju said...

It's a dilemma, but I think I'd go for the life I lead today, as opposed to what may happen in the future. When you get lucky and the babies come, you can always move to the suburbs then.

A Touch of Dutch said...

I say city life too! You only have now to do what you want to do now & the now you need is what is for you & Max ;-) Live it up!

meno said...

Go for the city. Children don't give a damn where they are for quite a while.

thedailysnark said...

You need to live the life you're living now. There's no rule that says you can't move down the road. Live in the city, get out and have some fun.

Anonymous said...

I am having the same experience in Germany, living on the outskirts rather than in the city. It can be a little isolating. On the other hand, I really enjoy the nature out in the suburbs, walking and riding my bike in the wide-open countryside, and having such a nice, spacious place to live for reasonable rent. My recommendation for Spain is to check out places in both the city and suburbs, and then see what feels right. If you decide on the suburbs, then perhaps sign up for something that requires you to go into the city regularly -- language classes, expat meetups, and so forth.

Ron said...

Hi Diane!

My advice would be what your other commentors have shared...to do what feels "right" for you in the moment.

I see my own life like the theme of my blog...

...to see life as a movie. And each moment is a series of takes. And each take, when lived in the moment...creates the movie.

My life!

Simple Answer said...

I too am finding I'm more sedate and less motivated here than I was at home. It's amazing how half a day can pass and I've accomplished nothing. What is your heart telling you to do? To live in the city now doesn't diminish your dreams of tomorrow. And the distractions of a big city could really fuel your soul.

Blogging Mama said...

I say find both. A place in the city with a park very close by. That way you have the city adventure you want or need but still have the chance to walk the dog or push the baby in the carriage to the nice grassy spot. You can have both :)

essie said...

go for what feels right-I think you already know...but, the flip side to both, is the absence of the other.

did that make sense?
what the hell-
are your martinis shaken or stirred?!!

go big, Diane, big!

Claire said...

Go with the life you want now. You might find that that life you want to be living will happen when you least expect it.