8.24.2005

Lions, Tigers, and Bees - Oh My!

Everybody has at least one, unfounded, unreasonable fear. Some people fear heights; others are claustrophobic. My greatest fear is bees. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that I loathe them. Bees, to me, just look evil-- especially wasps. I hate wasps most of all.

Truth be told, I can't even be within 30 feet of one of those evil, winged creatures without having an overwhelming urge to run for the hills. The problem is that there are bees in them there hills. There is no escaping them, at least through the months of April - October.

A fear of bees may be the major reason that I am not the outdoor type (no doubt a shock to regular blog readers). Even though I grew up on a farm, complete with my own pony, I spent many a summer day locked in the comfort of an air conditioned house rather than be exposed to the harsher elements of nature, bees included.

I also think that my fear of bees is the reason that I prefer fall and winter months to the spring and summer ones. Give me the dead of winter precisely because all of nature is dead or hibernating. During these months, I just don't have to deal with running into my arch enemy. I find those months much less stressful, And, I will even venture into the great outdoors from time to time without hyperventilating.

To be honest, I really don't think this particular fear is unfounded or based on some unreasonable paranoia. Bees do hate me -- of this I am sure. They seek me out in an effort to ruin my life. As proof, I offer this scenario:

One night not so long ago, I was sound asleep in bed, under all my sheets and covers, dreaming peacefully about something for a later post. Then suddenly, I was harshly and rudely awaken from my slumber by a pain so sharp and recognizable that I knew what it must be. A wasp had literally stung me in the ass while I slept!!

I jumped out of bed, pulled down the covers, and discovered the evil creature lying in my bed, smiling wickedly, and laughing in my face. Well, the laughing part is an exaggeration, but it was smiling. I saw fangs and everything.

How is it that a wasp managed to fly down from the ceiling, sneak under both a comforter and $900 sheets, find my ass and sting it without there being purposeful intent?? It's just not possible. Science folks like Utenzi and Senior Advisor might balk at all of this, but I know better. That wasp knew exactly what he was doing and who he was doing it to. (Ok, I'm assuming it was a male wasp. But, the facts of this case make it a logical assumption. A girl wasp wouldn't sting my ass, right?).

To add further proof, the very next week another wasp was flying around in my bedroom, taunting me as a painful reminder of what had occurred prior. I slammed the bedroom door and slept in the living room for two days thereafter. I felt paralyzed by the wasp's presence. Finally, I invited a friend over to kill the wasp. Only then was I able to sleep in my bedroom again.

I'd rest so much easier if we could just get rid of bees once and for all. Why do we need them anyway? We could keep the honeybee. I really like honey and have never had issues with honeybees.

What do you think? Do you have any crippling fear that you'd like to share?

11 comments:

utenzi said...

That's interesting, Diane. Since you mentioned me, I assume you saw my blog regarding my home invasion by wasps a few weeks ago. It's weird that I had thousands in here and never had any real problem with them--but I'm lucky they didn't figure a way to get into the central air system before they died.

In a coincidence, I got stung by a bee or hornet just a week before that, while waiting for a bus. It just landed on me and stung my leg. First time I got a bee sting in at least 15 years.

As for crippling fear... probably suffocation is the big one for me. Sometimes when I kayak and I go by something that's sticking up out of the water--bridge footing, buoy, huge rock, etc--I get a slight panic sensation as if I was about to drown. It's silly but also impossible to totally control.

queenofsass said...

What a wuss...I saw those microscopic wasps you are talking about...now a real fear would be snakes.

evercurious said...

That was so funny! Not your pain, but your writing. I once was stung 7 times in one go. Maybe I'll post the story one day.

Xavierism said...

My biggest fear: Liking a guy and finding out later he's uncircumsized!!!! YIKES!

Happy weekend!

Muah*************!

Mister Hand said...

The wasps are infatuated with you. They are behaving no differently than a young boy would on the schoolyard. They're just trying to get your attention. The more you try to shut them out, the more determined they will become.

You've got to level with the wasps, Diane. Stop teasing them with by playing hard to get. Lay it on the line.

Okay, I've used up that stream of consciousness. It's Friday, I'm going home to wade into the stream of unconsciousness.

CYA!

queenofsass said...

Me thinky Mr. Hand would like you to tell him to buzz off.

Mister Hand said...

queenofsass has shamed me.

David said...

My best friend is scared of snakes. Not just a little bit either. Used to be funny fishing or crawfishing with him when we were growing up. I see a snake I hit it and try to kill it, turn around he would be in the truck.

I used to be really scared of heights until I started working offshore and had to work around heights all the time. Now they don't bother me that bad.

Not scared of wasp's either. Had some get into my shop and build this huge 4 layer nest into an old couch I had out there. I had 2 cans of Instant Wasp killer in my hands and 2 more in my pockets. I used all 4 cans and there were more dead wasp's there than I could count. It was literally a dust pan full of them.

Can't really think of anything that I am that scared of anymore. Will have to think about it some.

Adrian said...

Hi from Vancouver BC...somehow came across your BLOG....a nice site and congrats!

Diane Mandy said...

Utenzi - ok, suffocation might be worse than bees. Thanks --I'll be having nightmares about a new phobia tonight. ;-)

Evercurious - 7 times!!! Oh, I would have died of a heart attack. I've probabaly only been stung a handful of times my entire life.I just can't imagine.

Dave: I've been thinking of you down in New Orleans. Hope you and your family and friends are doing ok despite the storm. That's an entire state's worst fear realized.

Wecome Adrian! Do come back again.
X- hahaha! Now that would be a nightmare!

MrH. Awwww Don't worry about Sassy. Inappropriate, but funny as always! You're always welcome here.

Xavierism said...

*SHOOPERS*

Muah*****************************