In the Name of Progress

Is it just me? Or are technological enhancements getting a little out of control? Back from a long weekend in the Bahamas, I arrived at work Monday only to discover that my company had upgraded our voicemail system.

I feel totally discombobulated right now. Everything seems backwards. It's weird enough that this new system sends my voicemails to my Inbox as .wav files. But now I can also listen to my e-mails through voicemail.

I tried listening to my e-mails through my voicemail system. A stiff, impersonal female voice read every word, character, and letter right down to the cc; the subject line, and all associated tags lines. To be honest, it sounded a little freaky to hear Neil's personal message being delivered by some strange Fembot.

At this point, I think Hal 9000 would have been a better choice as the voice of the new phone system. Imagine the conversation I could be having with my new voicemail.

Diane: Look, Hal, I really don't need you to read my e-mails when I am perfectly capable of accessing my own Inbox.

HAL: I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Diane: Look, I empathize with your feelings. I know this new voicemail system has been implemented in the name of progress. But, I really wish you could just limit yourself to reading only my voicemails and leave the e-mails to me.

HAL: I'm sorry Diane, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Diane: I don't understand. Why not? What's the problem?

HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Diane: What are you talking about, HAL?

HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Diane: Mission!?! What Mission? I am only talking about a voicemail service reading my e-mails. What are you talking about, HAL?

HAL: I know you were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

Diane: Ok, now your being a little Drama Queen. I'll admit that I am a little worried about the Big Brother applications with this new voicemail system .But I had not thought of disconnecting you. I'm just asking you to stop reading my e-mails.

HAL: Diane, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

Diane: Goodbye? Goodbye?!! But what about my voicemails??! I still need my voicemails.

Hal: Look Diane, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

What can I say? Even though I work for a software company, I've never been a techno-geek. I find this technology-bending trend to be most disturbing. Now I've got the Boy George of voicemail systems!

Here's the bottom line: I miss my old voicemail system. I felt comfortable with the sweet voice that simply instructed me to delete and replay my messages. Plus, I actually knew the woman behind the voice of voicemail. Now, I not only have a new voice that has taken over both my email and voicemail, but also a complete stranger reading my personal e-mail messages to me. Is this really supposed to be progress?