11.16.2005

Hit-on and Runs

Fresh off a boat from a four-day salsa cruise, and I haven't got my land legs back. Actually, the rocking motion of the sea didn't knock me off kilter; it was the barrage of "hit-on and runs" that left me feeling more than sea sick.

Nowhere on ship was it safe. Hit-on and runs happened at even the most innocuous points from bow to stern. While working out at the gym, waiting for the lift, or standing at the purser's station, total strangers felt the needed to speak their minds in the form of overt pick-up lines.

"Damn, Girl. Will you be working out here tomorrow?"
"Hey lady, I saw you last night. You are fucking hot."
"I'm offering private lessons in my cabin. Wanna sign up?"

Oh yeah. It was really that bad. Rather than leaving me feeling weak in the knees, these tasteless come-ons left me more than little nauseous. I couldn't help but wonder whether an excess of Dramamine wasn't the culprit behind this bizarre trend. After seeing a few rounds of simulated oral sex on the dance floor, I also questioned whether some might have misinterpreted the meaning of all-you- can- eat and midnight buffets. Regardless, I wasn't on the menu.

Though I wanted to react with a swift kick to the groin, I only smiled politely and walk away as quickly as possible. The boat wasn't very big. I couldn't exactly jump ship (although the sharks in the water may have been less fierce). With only 300 salsa dancers on board, I was sure to run into these men again. So, it was best not to cause a scene.

However, I am more curious as to why these men would find this behavior productive? Did anyone really think that these winning pick-up lines were going to get my attention? Did anyone expect, with such seductive and subtle communique, that I would rush up to their cabins and redefine the term bunk mate? Are men really that bold? Or, do they hurl obnoxious comments knowing full well that any woman with half a brain isn't going to take them seriously?

If I had a better escape route, other than walking a plank, I might have sought revenge by launching a few bombs just to see how well these men would have liked being verbally accosted in return.

"Hey, big fella! Is that a barnacle attached to your stem or are you just glad to see me?"
"I saw your picture as the catch of the day. I'm ready to order."
"Didn't you hear? The Captain called for all hands on Dick. That is you, isn't it."

But, I didn't dare. With my luck, those jokers would have taken me seriously and I would have had some heavy back-peddling to do. And as it was, between the come-ons and choppy waters, I was having a hard enough time just navigating the deck.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Diane,
Sorry to hear that... It is incredible what men are capable of these days. As part of the male race, I apologize for other men’s actions. I wish I could tell you it won’t happen again but I can pretty much assure you I would be lying. As for the way the responded it was of a true lady. Although as a man I would have preferred if you let them know what a pig they were so that they would have shame for their actions.

Next time, ask them if they would have been proud to know that was the way their father spoke to their mother? Hell I think I am too old to even think of a pick up line like the ones they said.

My line, if it were me (to someone like you) would be something like:
“Hi, my name is John Doe, may I have the pleasure of knowing the name of the sexiest lady my eyes have had the privilege to see.” or
“If I die today, I would die happy knowing I saw one of life’s perfection”
“Hi, my name is John Doe, excuse me but you need to be over 18 to be here ;)”
“Hi, would you pinch me because I seem to be looking at an angel in my presence”

From your anonymous friend.

David said...

Wow, those guys had no class. If it were me I would have said:

Dayum Girl! You are just how I like my Salsa - HOT AND SPICY!

:)

Diane Mandy said...

Anonymous and David - Ha! Why weren't you guys on the boat? Those pick-up lines might have at least got you my number. ;-)

SincereCaramel said...

omigosh! I was just passing through. You had me rolling! I would have just said something nasty back to those guys. I am still tickled @ all you can eat midnight buffet.

Jamy said...

Fighting off the come-ons is my number one problem with salsa dancing. It's just exhausting--when all I really want to do is dance!

HarleyWriter said...

To answer your question; yes, guys believe their bullshit.

See, but I'm not like them, I would have said something suave and sophisticated like, "Care to walk my plank, matey?" And if that didn't work maybe sing an a-cappella rendition of Rock the Boat in hopes that you would jump in and sing the “So I'd like to know where you got the notion. Said I'd like to know where you got the notion” part.

Diane Mandy said...

Jamy - I agree. It is a negative attribute of the whole scene. I think I'm just getting too old for it.

Harley - You're just too too smooth. I guess Rock the Boat would be better than that old Christopher Cross song.

Sailing
Takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Ugh!!!

HarleyWriter said...

Yeah, I wouldn't want to take a chance on getting caught between the moon and new York City. I know it's crazy.

But it's true.

sethro said...

What the..? You mean Hey Lady, I saw you last night. You are fucking hot. doesn't work? Shit. I was gonna use that one.

Oh, and I just wanted to state for the record that the N'Sync cover of Sailing is just dreamy. Heh.

Diane Mandy said...

I'll just run right out and check it out.;-) Thanks for dropping by!