Don't Call Us? We Won't Call You.

Saturday night while I working at the pub, I met Tyler from Maryland who was visiting because of a college soccer tournament. Before my shift ended, Tyler handed me a cocktail napkin with his number just in case I wanted to meet up after finishing my 14-hour shift. Instead of calling Tyler, I opted for a date with a bubble bath in my jetted tub. It was the perfect end to an exhausting day.

Last week at the pub, I collected numbers from both Rick and John. The minute the business cards came my way, I knew that I wouldn't be calling either man. I just haven't found a polite way of communicating this fact. Often by the time men have forked over their numbers, conversation isn't really possible anyway. Nor would the men make suitable blood donor candidates. It is a bar, after all.

To be honest, I get a little offended when a strange man shoves his number my way and asks me to call him. Besides being tacky, I see this method as being the cheap and easy way out. I am being asked to do all of the work and, as a result, I have never made the call. However, this situation happens so frequently that I'm left wonder if the method is actually productive. How many women actually call a previously unknown man after being given his number? What are the odds?

Sometimes I've known girlfriends who have accepted a man's number only after he has already asked for hers. She'll say something like, "Why don't you give me your number instead?" In this case, it's pretty clear to both parties that she will not be letting her fingers do the walking his way. But, at the very least, it is a polite refusal--both parties walk away with their dignity.

Not surprisingly, I much prefer a man to ask for my number. Then, when he actually calls me (a rare case, indeed), I am bound to answer because I am impressed with both his initiative and follow-through. In this situation, the man has shown me a measure of respect on two occasions--with both the request and the phone call. His actions don't guarantee a date, mind you, only a formal hearing on the subject.

All of this being said, I realize that men have the hard part when it comes to dating rituals. So many women, me included, expect the man to take the initiative in setting up that first official meeting. I have never in my 38 years asked for a man's phone number, even if really I wanted it. And, only once, have I offered my number without a formal request.

To make matters worse for the men, women can be down right picky about the particulars-- the who, what, when and whys of that very first encounter. We analyze and scrutinize every word from conversations, every voicemail message, how well the guy filled out his jeans, and any other piece of relevant data before we make a decisions. Sure, women are impossible, but this doesn't stop us from being critical.

So if you are reading, Tyler from Maryland, I will finish with these final thoughts. Don't misunderstand. You filled out your jeans nicely and I liked your long blond hair. However, my jetted tub beckoned me; you did not.