Meet the Press

A single woman's power dinner with other gal pals is a thing to be treasured. Sometimes it takes weeks, even months, to synch-up appointment calendars and locate the perfectly-situated spot. Nevertheless, the event is always worth the time, effort, and patience required making it happen.

It had been a shameful 3 months since my last power dinner with the gals. But Sunday, despite falling temperatures, four single women agreed on the time and location-- the Blue Martini at 8pm. Centrally located, this quaint martini bar featured 1/2-off specials and live blues music. It was perfect.

In attendance:

Jules, 34, a corporate lawyer
Sonya, 34, financial analyst for The Big Blue
Stephanie, 33, pharmaceutical representative
And me, 37, multimedia project manager and part-time waitress

In a flurry of rapid conversation, with only a few seconds allowed to sip martinis, each woman provided updates to the others as if she were a panelist on Meet the Press.

Jules had been on her third date with the new "boy." (Note: A single woman of a certain age and dating history prefers labels over names when referring to the new man in her life until such time that the woman determines he has potential to make it past the one month mark)

"The Boy" --nice looking, athletic, and employed-- had been introduced to Jules through her realtor. (Note to self: Change real-estate agents). Jules had two reservations about the new guy: (1) he was recently separated and (2) he was on Match.com.

"He was very upfront with me about the whole Match thing." Jules offered in defense of the new boy. "I know that he goes out a lot. But, I didn't want to ask or seem too interested."

Each woman nodded in approval and silently envied Jules' self-control.

"But do you think after the fourth date, it's appropriate that I go ahead, broach the subject, and find out a little more about his Match activities?" Jules asked.

Each woman again nodded, if not for Jules' sake, then for her own curiosity. Jules needed to find out about "the boy" and Match.

For their part, Sonya and Stephanie lamented about the challenges of long-distance relationships. Both women, coincidentally, were dating men in California. And, Sonya's relationship was becoming quite serious--talk of marriage had been broached by the couple. But, as is always the case, Sonya offered a problem to her panel, now under the influence of a well-known truth serum otherwise known as the Appletini.

"He never wants to go out. I visited him in California for a week over Thanksgiving. You'd think he'd want to show me around, right? Well, it didn't happen. We went to the beach one day, but that was it. Do you think I am being too needy? I mean, there is so much that is good about our relationship. Am I just being shallow?"

I almost came out of my seat at Sonya's assertion that her need for going out on the town was being "too shallow."

"Honey, as the only woman in this group who has ever been married (twice), let me tell you this." I stammered with my finger wagging wildly. "Dating is as good as your relationship is EVER going to get. If he is not wining and dining you now, it is NEVER going to happen. Can you really live with that?"

Jules tapped me on the knee as if to remind me of a code of conduct long established by single women. Never dis your girlfriend's boyfriend until you are sure that he is on the way out. I needed to express my concerns in a more tactful manner. Dump the loser, just wasn't being helpful to Sonya at this moment. Wisely, Stephanie jumped to my rescue.

"How long have you and he been dating?" she probed.

"6 months," Sonya replied.

"I find it takes at least 6 months of dating someone before his true nature comes out." Stephanie continued.

"And you need to at least DOUBLE the time since the relationship is LONG DISTANCE." I loudly interrupted. Jules tapped my knee, again.

The panel thought they convinced Sonya that she needed to be most careful and deliberate in her own mind as she proceeded in the relationship with her homebody, LA-based boyfriend. I wasn't convinced. Still, I'd come close to violating the girl code of conduct. I'd said what I could, but it was time to move on and partake of another 1/2 price apple martini.

With the guitar throbbing in the background, I soaked up the moment with my friends. Experience told me, it would only be a matter of time before this sort of power dinner with the gals would be a thing of a past. Our lives spin in different directions and these dinners are only brief respite from the separate paths we take. Perhaps--even as soon as a year from now-- each of us will be in much different, but hopefully happier, place. But I'll still miss these dinners, the talk of boys and dating, the lamenting and probing, and the bond that we, as single women, share.