Lest Ye Be Judged

Surely I am not the only person who has ever rolled her eyes at one of those annoying-to-the-point-of- being-sickening couples that feeds off each other's plates, dresses alike, and imposes very public displays of affection on misfortunate bystanders. After all, these types of folk are practically a circus freak show--twosomes that could easily be mistaken as single individuals if it weren't for dual heads that top conjoined bodies.

Couples, with eyes for each other only and unaware of the world around them, might see this type of behavior as being inconspicuous. But others, single and stranded on the same planet, can't help but take note of them. Trust me. During those lonely and somewhat vunerable times as a single, I tried to avoid the all-too-happy couples who showed up in the darnedest places--the health food shop, the library, or even the gas station. It seemed as though the world was being taken over. And sadly, the invasion spread to my own social circles. One by one, otherwise sane girlfriends were assimilated, babbling as if they'd watched Jerry McGuire too many times.

"He COMPLETES you? Oh, please! Give me a break."

I wasn't bitter, but I was concerned and, perhaps, a tad judgemental. As single woman over 35 and one of the few bastions of independence left in this world, I needed to remain vigilant. I promised myself that, in the unlikely event that I ever met someone, I would not falter. I would not become one of them.

And then Max entered the picture.

Even though we forged a happy relationship, I was convinced that we had not morphed into one of those starry-eyed couples, the type whose friends can barely stand to be around. Sure, we had been known to feed each other at restaurants, but only a bite here or there. And there was also that one occasion where Max and I both wore tangerine --my dress and his shirt--to a wedding, but I chalked it up to coincidence.

Now, however, I cannot help but admit possible duplicity. As much as I would like to pretend otherwise, recent purchases might condemn me and Max. I submit these as evidence to you, impartial jury of my peers, and throw myself on the mercy of the court. Are Max and I guilty of being that annoying couple?

Exhibit A: His

Exhibit B: Mine

Could we invoke a temporary insanity defense? Or, are we guilty as charged?


Useless Man said...

Either you two are made for each other, or he is a deranged stalker.

I can't decide...

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

*giggling* Well Diane, all I can say, as one of those couples, is uhhh, welcome to the club???

We have been accused more than once of being glued at the hip, socially. For which I neither apologize, or feel the slightest bit of embarassment over. After so many of my own failed and severely dysfunctional relationships, I'm lovin every minute of it! (right or wrong)

Sooooo, my advice is to embrace it, enjoy it, and love it! Over time, it is easy to make the "yuppie matching" fashion faux pas, completely innocently. A lot of the times your tastes will run similar; its bound to happen on occasion.

PS. Loved the title of this post!

Jaws said...

So desperatly jealous.

GIrl if you are one of those couple, enjoy it!

I love that kinda hypnotic love.

But am just a hopeless romantic.

running42k said...

If you start wearing boxer shorts then there is no hope for you.

├ůsa said...

Diane! I love the t-shirts! It might be a bit dorky if you wear them at the same time though… As for being all lovey-dovey in public: go for it! I love when people show each other kind love. Not the show-off love though. As if to convince yourself as much as the outside world that you do have love. That’s just pathetic. But the blind love where nothing around you matter is fantastic! I want that too. Go hug your man :-)

utenzi said...

Guilty as charged, Diane. Enjoy the situation!

David said...

My wifes mom still giggles at my wife and I. We have been together 20 years and still hold hands everywhere we go together. My parents favorite thing to yell at us is "GET A ROOM!!" I always say why? I am a voyeur, might want to turn your head though this is about to get nasty ;)

But that is why we are still together I guess after 20 years, we still love each other and are not embarassed to show it. Hug on Diane, hug on.

Loved the shirts

Siryn said...

Too cute. Wish I had your problem, there!

Cheetarah1980 said...

You get the benefit of the doubt one more time. Yes the shirts seem to play off each other, but I will assume you bought them separately, got home, and realized you were on the same wave length. However, if this type of thing happens again, I'm SO throwing the book at you.

Xavierism said...

Are those shirts really made in the USA????

Desiree said...

Ya...definately guilty! =)

kenju said...

I like the shirts - but like someone else said - don'twear them at the same time....LOL

Balloon Pirate said...

That's one of the better opening grafs I've read in the blogosphere in a while.

But those shirts are just this side of the 'stupid'/'i'm with stupid' line.

Will you be standing in the corner of the jazz festivals with your hands in each other's back pockets next?

Of course, it could just be that I'm jealous.


TamWill said...

If the shoe fits ...WEAR it! Great post! Cool shirts too!