Lest Ye Be Judged

Surely I am not the only person who has ever rolled her eyes at one of those annoying-to-the-point-of- being-sickening couples that feeds off each other's plates, dresses alike, and imposes very public displays of affection on misfortunate bystanders. After all, these types of folk are practically a circus freak show--twosomes that could easily be mistaken as single individuals if it weren't for dual heads that top conjoined bodies.

Couples, with eyes for each other only and unaware of the world around them, might see this type of behavior as being inconspicuous. But others, single and stranded on the same planet, can't help but take note of them. Trust me. During those lonely and somewhat vunerable times as a single, I tried to avoid the all-too-happy couples who showed up in the darnedest places--the health food shop, the library, or even the gas station. It seemed as though the world was being taken over. And sadly, the invasion spread to my own social circles. One by one, otherwise sane girlfriends were assimilated, babbling as if they'd watched Jerry McGuire too many times.

"He COMPLETES you? Oh, please! Give me a break."

I wasn't bitter, but I was concerned and, perhaps, a tad judgemental. As single woman over 35 and one of the few bastions of independence left in this world, I needed to remain vigilant. I promised myself that, in the unlikely event that I ever met someone, I would not falter. I would not become one of them.

And then Max entered the picture.

Even though we forged a happy relationship, I was convinced that we had not morphed into one of those starry-eyed couples, the type whose friends can barely stand to be around. Sure, we had been known to feed each other at restaurants, but only a bite here or there. And there was also that one occasion where Max and I both wore tangerine --my dress and his shirt--to a wedding, but I chalked it up to coincidence.

Now, however, I cannot help but admit possible duplicity. As much as I would like to pretend otherwise, recent purchases might condemn me and Max. I submit these as evidence to you, impartial jury of my peers, and throw myself on the mercy of the court. Are Max and I guilty of being that annoying couple?


Exhibit A: His


Exhibit B: Mine


Could we invoke a temporary insanity defense? Or, are we guilty as charged?