The morning after

Fresh off the wedding and a quick getaway, I find it difficult to face this Monday morning. After a big event or a long weekend, it’s always hard to return to routine. But in this case, it’s not my job that I’m dreading.

It’s the LA Weight Loss woman.

A couple weeks back and in need of a miracle, I handed over $330 in order to participate in an 8-Week Body Makeover program with LA Weight Loss. For the cost of membership you get one week worth of supplements and a contract, which guarantees success so long as the loser follows the program, eats his or her Lite bars, and participates in one-on-one consultation with an LA Weight Loss consultant three times a week.

The company promotes these personal consultations as insightful and necessary. But in my limited experience, the one-on-one meet-ups are really designed to sell more products. Every time I go to meet my consultant, I prepare for it as though I am about to attend a timeshare presentation. Even so, I ended up buying an additional $250 worth of LA lite bars and shakes. If I don’t consume these supplements during the 8-week program, I could always store them away for posterity’s sake in the event I ever decided to build a fallout shelter. When you look at it this way, the bars and shakes are really a bargain.

For the record, this is the most restrictive program in which I have participated. Nevertheless, for the first 10 days I followed the program to the letter and lost about 5 pounds.

The LA Weight Loss woman was delighted with my progress, but her euphoria took a nosedive on the Wednesday before my nuptials.

"So, what’s your strategy for the wedding?" she asked.

"Well, I’m doing a spa day with my girlfriend, and then we’re heading on to the restaurant together," I replied.

"That’s nice," LA Weight Loss woman said. "But I am asking what your FOOD strategy is for tomorrow."

"Food strategy?" I asked. "It’s my wedding. Must I really have a food strategy? Shouldn’t I be able to enjoy the day? Can’t I have my wedding cake and eat it too?

I thought my response was funny, but the LA Weight Loss woman didn’t appreciate the humor.

"If you don’t go in with a plan for success, you’re going to be a FAILURE," she said sharply. Then came her ominous parting, "I’ll see you again Monday."

Even before I left our appointment, I decided to ignore her counsel. Maybe after eating all those bars, people lose their sense of humor along with the poundage. Besides, I had the right to enjoy my wedding dinner. What was the harm in going off the program for one night?

But one night, turned into the weekend. Since our honeymoon cruise was still a few weeks away, Max and I decided to take a “mini-moon” and visited the nation’s capital. Washington D.C. is made famous for many things—the monuments, the politics, a diverse crowd, fabulous restaurant choices, and, of course, Jamy of Grateful Dating. In one quick trip, we managed to sample the best that the city has to offer-- Thai food on Friday, and Indian lunch with Jamy (who is as entertaining in person as her blog is), Ethiopian dinner on Saturday… I could feel my waistline expanding with every delectable morsel.

At the time, these indiscretions felt more like right and appropriate courses of action. I again shrugged off the shrill LA Weight Loss woman and committed a near-mortal sin of leaving my Lite bars at home for the weekend. And, it all felt worth it—until the alarm clock went off this morning and I remembered her words, “I’ll see you again on Monday, Failure.”

I won’t even step on my own bathroom scale this morning to find out how badly I faired. I can feel it in my clothes. Even my new wedding band feels tighter.

So now I have two choices. Do I suck it up (literally and otherwise) and meet with LA Weight Loss woman today? Or, do I throw away my $580 dollars and pray for a nuclear incident?


Sara said...

Since I'm a self-professed thrifty girl (I should really blog about this.. it's in my DNA), I say suck it up. (Funny since I haven't been to the gym or to tan in weeks- both of which I'm paying for.) You can admit defeat and that you "cheated" over the weekend and reconfirm your dedication- that should make her happy.

Or, tell her to bite you.

utenzi said...

You have the rest of your life to worry or ignore weight issues, Diane. Your wedding and honeymoon cruise only happen once. Enjoy them and ignore that shrill voiced LA Weight Loss woman. You should still go and meet your LAWL consultant though. Just to keep connected to your goal. That's my advice!

Congratulations again, Diane!

Jamy said...

It was so great to see you and Max. There are times when a "food strategy" is ridiculous. (I would argue that's all the time--but definitely when you go on vacation!)

I'm glad you enjoyed DC and its wonderful food.

I guess I'd be loath to throw away my investment and go have the meeting...but don't buy any more of their products. Besides, you look great and I think the counselor is trying to make you feel insecure so you'll buy the supplements, etc. Ick!

Tonya Allison said...

Failure is not a very nice word. I don't like her. You absolutely did the right thing by not missing any bit of this most special occasion!

I think you already look fabulous but I also know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, and this sounds like something that's important to you, so go do it!

kenju said...

Do whatever makes you feel less guilty. She has no right to make you feel too badly about it; afterall, it IS your wedding, for carying-out-loud!

Dan-E said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan-E said...

louisiana has a weight loss company? that's weird.

(waiting to see if anyone gets it...)

running42k said...

I think the lady was asking about the food at the wedding hoping that LA Weight Loss would be the catering.

Anonymous said...

You should have just made up a food strategy. Yes, for the wedding I plan to have a shake in the morning, a healthy lunch, one sip of champagne and then two bars instead of the cake for dinner. I wonder what her reaction would have been.

Just a trumpet player said...

I hear you !! My last trainer told me : 'You're lazy and that got you fat. But I'm in your life now.'

We got along really well...

How did the meating go anyway ?