9.14.2007

Just a swanging (swinging)

Why is it so hard to get back into the swing of things? Ever since Max and I returned from Egypt, I have felt as though I’m just going through the motions of life rather than really living it. These days, I find it difficult to be productive at the office. I haven’t hauled my ass back to the gym or started on my diet. I don’t feel like socializing. I lack the brainpower and inspiration to write a decent post.

What’s the matter with me?

At first, I blamed jetlag. Having never completely recovered from the stomach problems I developed in Egypt, and I felt especially tired and weak. But now, a full week later, I’ve come to believe my problems stem from a different source.

Stress.

More specifically, the reality of the upcoming move hit me while I was traveling. During quiet moments away from the spotlight of Max’s family, I began to miss my friends, realizing that, in the not-so-distant future, living abroad would be the reality and not just an exciting vacation. I’ve spent the last 14 years in North Carolina, working with the same company most of this time. In other words, I have established deep roots in these parts. And it’s gonna hurt to be uprooted.

But while I dread leaving friends and family, I can’t help but feel like an alien resident at the same time. A temporary worker, a short-timer—this is the reality of my situation. I know it; and my friends already feel it.

Now I know some of you are rolling your eyes as you read these words. Many people would jump at the chance to live abroad, and I consider myself one of those people. Living abroad offers me the chance to broaden my experiences, make new friendships, have time to start a family, pursue new opportunities, and create memories that will last a lifetime. I recognize these many positives. But I also have to allow myself to feel the negatives of the situation, too.

And today, this is where I am.

Boo.

10 comments:

Jamy said...

Oh boy, I think it would be incredibly hard to leave and live in a place where you know no one and don't even speak the language! I'd be fighting every day to look on the bright side and remember it's an adventure. The fact that you're stressed is totally understandable. I'm sure you will still be seeing the positive too.

utenzi said...

I'd be a basketcase if I were in your shoes, Diane. And not just cause I'm a size 12 either. An international move is a huge ordeal even with Max's company helping out. Way too much stress for me, I'm impressed at how well you're holding up.

Anonymous said...

No need to diet or go to the gym bc you've got your man now! hahahahahaha. That scares single guys all over th world.

Suvii said...

I think the feelings you are having are totally normal and understandable. Today is my last day at my current job and even though I've only been here for 4 years, I am feeling a lot of the same feelings you are. Just take it one day at a time... BTW, I'll be in your neck of the woods next week. I will be in training at RTP next week and the week after! What's the weather like?

evercurious said...

Aw mandy, I think it's natural to be a little freaked you have been through a lot of new changes and you've got a lot on your plate in preparation for your big move. Just take a moment every once in a while for a deep breath and keep thinking that this is another adventure to add to your life and your making it with the one you love.

Diane Mandy said...

Suvvi-- weather is cooling down, but far from cool. I work near RTP. Email me at dmandy_5@hotmail.com if you'd like to go for coffee or drinks!

Tonya Allison said...

I think your feelings are perfectly understandable and just show what a great heart you have, especially when it comes to your friends who you care about so deeply. "Transition period" is the absolute worst-not quite here, not quite there. Just remember, you are not leaving your friends; they will be with you no matter where you and Max go!

kenju said...

I think that is a normal reaction, considering all the changes you are going through.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I don't blame you for feeling stressed and uncertain about such a huge move - Try and focus on how wonderful your life will be once you're there - you will be like a beautiful flower that will be re-rooted and growing wonderfully in no time!

AmyD said...

I think it's healthy that you are having these feelings, as it just means they won't hit you like a ton of surprising bricks once you're away from your friends and in your new surroundings. It's completely normal to be mourning what is an impending move and huge life change. Stress is an understatement! Don't fight it, but also try not to let it overcome you as you wrap your life up and prepare for your new one. Knowing you, you will face it head-on and with a smile. Anywhere you go will kick ass. And at least you'll still have the Internet! ;o)

Good luck and hang in there!