4.29.2008

I wish I had happy news to report. My blood tests came back today and the results confirmed the Dr. Sych’s fears. My HCG levels are too low to support the pregnancy. The doctor and I will meet tomorrow for a final ultrasound and to talk about the next steps.

I probably will not write any more on this topic after today. I need to accept this reality, privately grieve the loss, and move on with life as quickly as possible.

I have carried this baby only five weeks, and knew about the pregnancy for only two. And yet, I had my heart fully vested. I cannot imagine how women feel when they miscarry late into their first trimester or even longer. I also wonder how women endure multiple miscarriages because I’m not sure I could do this again.

Thankfully, my husband returns home on Thursday morning. Then Friday, Max and I have decided to go on a little getaway to Strasbourg, a picturesque city in France. It’s fool hearty to believe a brief respite will take away the sorrow we are both feeling, but it will be a nice reminder that, no matter, we still and always will have each other.

35 comments:

Lynda said...

Was thinking about you earlier today - sorry to hear about your sad news. Big Cyber hug from Cairo.
(((((((((......)))))))))))))))))))))

brookem said...

I am so sorry to hear this news.

*Big hugs*

brandy said...

I love, I'm sorry to hear about the news. Please know I'm thinking of you and Max.

AmyD said...

Oh Diane...I'm so, so sorry to hear this news. Take all the time you need to grieve, and hang in there until Max is home again. :o( ((((HUGS))))

Dora said...

I am aslo so sorry to hear the news. Is it possible to keep trying? Big hug to you both and best of luck.

Bluepaintred said...

Shit.


I'm SO Sorry.

MOMKISS2U said...

A cyber hugg from someone who was in a similar situation long ago. Martini's work wonders......

Charlotte said...

Very sorry to hear your sad news. I can understand how distressed you both must be.

meno said...

I am very sorry to hear this.

Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

A couple thoughts. Do the HCG levels have anything to do with the fibroids? If not, then there's one less thing to worry about next time. Also, don't lose hope until the end. Alternatively, maybe having a few martinis tonight would be the best thing -- according to Murphy's law, maybe that would mean you somehow continue the pregnancy and then have mild fears about fetal alcohol syndrome for the next 8 months... Hope it works out and if not, that can lean on each other.

Monica said...

Terrible news.. and maybe not the right moment to say this, but things do happen for a reason...and like you said, you have Max...and that is the most important thing.

Have fun in France, I been to Strasbourg and its beautiful... the right place for a quiet getaway to recharge.

Shelly said...

I'm so very sorry.
S~

Paige Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry about your news. Please know a silly girl in Philly is thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

Danie said...

I'm sorry for your loss Diane.

Andrea said...

Diane I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope your time away with Max will give you time to grieve. Strasbourg is a very pretty quaint little town, I hope it will help heal your heart.
Many hugs,
Andrea

Charlotte said...

Oh hon, I'm sorry to hear that. Sending you big hugs from California. Is there any way, dietary or medically, that you can raise your HCG level for the next pregnancy (because now that you know you can get pregnant, you'll be pregnant again soon)?

Again, many hugs!

Cowgirl Warrior said...

My heart goes out to you and Max.
There's nothing anyone can say to heal your heart.
Hugs,
Sylvia

Sizzle said...

My heart goes out to you both.

Jennifer said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts. And I'm glad the two of you are going to get away for a bit, together.

egan said...

Oh my, sorry to hear this news. Miscarriages are really rough. We went through one and felt the same way you do, how could anyone think about trying to conceive again. Give it some time. Have a great time in Strasbourg. I hear it's a great city.

June said...

I too, am deeply saddened by this news. I kept checking yesterday to see if there was an update...And I suspected this might be the outcome...

My heart is heav(ier) today because of this; but at least I know you're a strong woman and have a wonderful man/relationship to get you through this time.

Hugs to you my sweet Diane, hugs.

zerodoll said...

i'm so sorry to hear that. heal with max.
hugs.

Dianne said...

I'm sorry Diane

I send you a hug and I hope getting away for a bit will let you heal

hugs to you and Max

evercurious said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you will find your own way to get past this sadness and perhaps build your family in a different way. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mom. I'm sure Charlie feels lucky as well as Max to have you in their lives. You're an amazing woman and I hope you can feel the love that all your blog buddies are sending your way. It gains momentum when travelling between continents.

kenju said...

I am so sorry, Diane.

Dan-E said...

my deepest condolences diane. hang in there. at least you have max to be there for you. and charlie.

Jamy said...

I'm so sorry, Diane. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve this very real loss. Take care.

Chica said...

So sorry to hear you are going through this Diane. Your posts are so poignant. Thinking of you, take care of each other, sending much love your way xxx

The Grunt said...

This is sad news. I hope that in time you will be able to heal from this.

Cheryl said...

I am so, SO sorry about the news. I know it was probably not easy to share with us, so thanks for doing so.

Hugs.

Jill said...

As someone whose gone through this 3 times in the past 9 months, I completely empathize and sympathize with you.

Take care of yourself.

catherinette said...

I'm very sorry to hear your news. I can't even imagine what you and Max are going through right now.

Hope it brings you some comfort to know that there are others that carry the both of you in our thoughts.

V-Grrrl said...

I lost a baby at 12 weeks and it was wrenching. My doctor had to give me sedatives because I was such a wreck. But today I have two children, one born before my miscarriage, one born less than a year after.

Grieve. Cry. But remain hopeful...

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry, Diane. This is the post I didn't want to read. I have been thinking about you, saying quick prayers, and I will continue to do so.

LZ Blogger said...

Diane ~ I am so sorry! I wish there was something I could say here... but the appropriate words here would be as useless as whistling in a hurricane! My thoughts are with you both! ~ jb///