Hit-on and Runs

Fresh off a boat from a four-day salsa cruise, and I haven't got my land legs back. Actually, the rocking motion of the sea didn't knock me off kilter; it was the barrage of "hit-on and runs" that left me feeling more than sea sick.

Nowhere on ship was it safe. Hit-on and runs happened at even the most innocuous points from bow to stern. While working out at the gym, waiting for the lift, or standing at the purser's station, total strangers felt the needed to speak their minds in the form of overt pick-up lines.

"Damn, Girl. Will you be working out here tomorrow?"
"Hey lady, I saw you last night. You are fucking hot."
"I'm offering private lessons in my cabin. Wanna sign up?"

Oh yeah. It was really that bad. Rather than leaving me feeling weak in the knees, these tasteless come-ons left me more than little nauseous. I couldn't help but wonder whether an excess of Dramamine wasn't the culprit behind this bizarre trend. After seeing a few rounds of simulated oral sex on the dance floor, I also questioned whether some might have misinterpreted the meaning of all-you- can- eat and midnight buffets. Regardless, I wasn't on the menu.

Though I wanted to react with a swift kick to the groin, I only smiled politely and walk away as quickly as possible. The boat wasn't very big. I couldn't exactly jump ship (although the sharks in the water may have been less fierce). With only 300 salsa dancers on board, I was sure to run into these men again. So, it was best not to cause a scene.

However, I am more curious as to why these men would find this behavior productive? Did anyone really think that these winning pick-up lines were going to get my attention? Did anyone expect, with such seductive and subtle communique, that I would rush up to their cabins and redefine the term bunk mate? Are men really that bold? Or, do they hurl obnoxious comments knowing full well that any woman with half a brain isn't going to take them seriously?

If I had a better escape route, other than walking a plank, I might have sought revenge by launching a few bombs just to see how well these men would have liked being verbally accosted in return.

"Hey, big fella! Is that a barnacle attached to your stem or are you just glad to see me?"
"I saw your picture as the catch of the day. I'm ready to order."
"Didn't you hear? The Captain called for all hands on Dick. That is you, isn't it."

But, I didn't dare. With my luck, those jokers would have taken me seriously and I would have had some heavy back-peddling to do. And as it was, between the come-ons and choppy waters, I was having a hard enough time just navigating the deck.