State of Mind

Last night, I rented Lost, choked down a Slim Fast, straightened my house, and spent a quiet evening watching TV and folding laundry. This seems like an ordinary Tuesday night, but what is extraordinary about this is that I actually enjoyed the quiet evening at home.

There was a time in my life, not so long ago, when to be at home was tantamount to being in a secret CIA-run prison. I found it tortuous. I didn't like to be alone. I didn't want to sit quietly with my thoughts. Thankfully, times have changed.

What's changed? A single realization: I like my life. I am happier today than I have ever been at any given point in my life.

Sure, sad and difficult situations present themselves all the time. Breaking up with Vin has been hard on me. Seeing my friend wasting away, her body ravaged with cancer, is unbearable at times. I also regret that the relationship with my parents isn't better. But despite everything, I feel a certain sense of contentment that I have never known before.

Ultimately, people make or break their own happiness. Getting to a happier state in life requires that we make some difficult choices at times. I've walked away from important relationships that were to unhealthy for me. I've abandoned bad habits and routines. I actively seek enriching experiences and opportunities. I finally learned to worry less about that which I cannot control-- especially in regards to other people's opinions.

So, this is what contentment feels like? Wow! What a powerful vibe --one that I plan to cultivate and protect. It doesn't mean that I sit on my laurels or become stagnant. It doesn't mean that there aren't going to be bad times or that I won't feel want. But it does mean that despite everything --I'm ok and I have the wherewithal to always be ok.

So if come tomorrow I start complaining again, you have permission to knock me down a peg or two or at least remind me that things could be so much worse. I may be content today, but could as easily become forgetful tomorrow.