11.11.2008

Untitled

Today isn't a good day. I feel anxious and overwhelmed, burdened by this little secret, which I dreamed would be a source of joy and happiness, but instead has turned into a source of fear and frustration.

You might be able to guess what occupies my mind and heart --a positive pregnancy test last week, followed by a trip to see Dr. Sych's today. I had hoped I'd walk out of the good doctor's office happy and confident, but instead I feel gloomy and doubtful. I'm not saying all hope is lost that the tiny speck on the ultrasound won't turn into something magical, but my checkered fertility history and a lack of physical symptoms tell me fulfillment is unlikely. Even my doctor warned not to be too hopeful, but I can't help but hope we're both being cautious and doubtful for no reason.

About 36 hours from now, blood test results will provide clues and offer me either despair or reassurance. In the meantime, I ask for your positive and hopeful vibes on this day. I could sure use the boost.

41 comments:

Me said...

Ok...I am just keeping you in my thoughts and keeping all fingers and toes crossed. :)

Yelli said...

positive thoughts going your way...I know this was probably hard for you to post but we are all here for you...

G in Berlin said...

Our thoughts and hopes are with you, Diane. And with Max.

American in Norway said...

I have everything ... & I mean EVERYTHING crossed for you. Sending you warm wishes & positive vibes... Keep us posted--- Hugs Tressa

traveler one said...

**sending you all the positivity I possess**

(and that is quite a lot)

Suvii said...

Diane, you and Max are in my prayers and thoughts and I send all the positive vibes I can muster! Thank you for sharing.

meno said...

Oh honey, my positive thoughts are all yours.

sassy said...

I am SOOO sending you positive vibes. Bless your heart, Diane !

C N Heidelberg said...

Diane, you'll be in my thoughts!!

V-Grrrl said...

Dare to believe...life and love have a force that can't be measured.

oreneta said...

Postive thoughts send and continuing to be sent. Good luck.

patches said...

Hoping for the best!

Hilly said...

I am sending lots of prayers, good thoughts and mental hugs your way.

Jill said...

I'm definitely sending major pregnancy vibes your way!! Please keep us posted.

tqe / Adam said...

my best wishes...

eusmaca said...

Crossing all our fingers, toes and everything else and sending good vibes your way....

Global Librarian said...

Sending good vibes...

Rositta said...

Oh Dianne, I hope this turns out well for you. Sending every good vibe I have your way...ciao:)

brandy said...

I'm definitely thinking of you. I've put your name on a post it by my computer and every time I look at it, I'm going to send out another good thought your way. Wishing you all the best friend.

zerodoll said...

oh goodness! all of my thoughts are with you!

Charlotte said...

Sending both of you lots of love, and praying for a good outcome.

Anonymous said...

Diane,
I think it is so brave of you to post this blog...
My thoughts and prayers are with you....I soooo feel for you and your husband...
Sending very good vibes from Texas to Germany,
Susanne

kenju said...

Diane, I am going to hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope it works out.

evercurious said...

Diane, keep your chin up and your heart open to all the possibilities! I can't wait to hear how things go and I will be rooting for you, Max and Charlie.

xoxo!

Simple Answer said...

Wishing and hoping.....

christina said...

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best...

Snooker said...

Oh Diane, I know that this post was hard to share.
I'm thinking positive thoughts for you and Max in this trying time.
All the best for you both.

Jul said...

Sending positive thoughts your way...

Connie said...

You definitely have my prayers, and all the positive energy you need!

Sue Jacquette said...

Hi Diane, I just found your blog and I love it. Wishing you all the best from Philadelphia....

Just a trumpet player said...

Sending good vibes you way...

I've been feeling the same kind of frustration and fear for the last couple of months... We should form a club !

Chica said...

Crossing everything for you, and sending positive thoughts over to the mainland xx

Dianne said...

sending out all the good karma I can

hugs

Ann said...

You have all of the positive energy, good spirits and hopeful prayers I can muster.
(((hug)))

Dixie said...

I'm sending you all my good wishes and prayers.

Scary Mommy said...

Sending you positive vibes and crossing everything for you!!!!

gemma said...

This is something I can wrap my positive and hopeful vibes around....Praying very hard for you both...whatever happens...

Sizzle said...

Holding hope for you.

Andrea said...

I hope everything turns out ok for you Diane. I know how much you want this.

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

Looking at the time of this post, I assume you are finding out the results now. My thoughts are with you.

Jennifer said...

My good vibes are all yours, for as long as you need them.